Igor is building a latrine-
Charles: You serve our food and build latrines?
Igor: Don't worry sir, I washed my hands before I build the latrine.
Father Mulcahy: This isn’t one of my sermons, I expect you to listen!
Hawkeye: Washing socks?
Trapper: I have to. I left them out for the elves to do last night. They wouldn't touch 'em.
Hawkeye: Can you blame them?
--The Sniper
Trapper: Bad news from my wife. She still loves me. Would you believe this? She still thinks I got sent to Korea as part of some secret plot to cheat on her!
Hawkeye: Well, didn't you?
Trapper: Yeah, but how did she figure it out?
--Pilot
Hawkeye: Your mind is in the gutter!
Trapper: I can't help it. It's attached to my body.
--Aid Station
*I've actually said Trapper's line when someone told me my mind was in the gutter. It got a laugh.*
Hawkeye: If we could get her away from Frank, she could become a major kisser.
Trapper: That’s what she’s doing now.
Hawkeye: Right.
-Talking about Margaret, from the episode Dear Dad.
Margaret: They’ve made a mockery of my majority!
Hawkeye: Well, what do ya now, we’re major mockers.
-Hot lips and empty arms
Trapper: Frank, does paradise need a meaning?
-Bombed
BJ: What say you, Ferret Face?
-Welcome to Korea
Frank: I’m a real asset!
Hawkeye: You’re only off by two letters.
Frank: I’m here to relieve you.
Hawkeye: You do resemble an enema.
Margaret: I wonder if I could see...Colonel Blake.
Radar: I wonder if you can, too.
-Hot lips and empty arms
Hawkeye: Radar, talk in small letters.
-Welcome to Korea
*I've used this line on people who are yelling at me loudly and unnecessarily*
Trapper: All that energy, wasted on a door.
-Bombed
*I love this line. Then he smiles and says "c'mere". That smile, those curls...rrrr! I love Trapper!:-)*
One of my favorite MASH scenes comes from “The Incubator.” I love the opening scenes where it is the morning after a pretty wild soiree in the Swamp, and Hawkeye and Trapper are just waking up. These are some of my favorite quotes from that scene.
Hawkeye- Trapper? Trapper?
Trapper-I’m not gonna talk, until you stop screaming.
Trapper-Does your head hurt?
Hawkeye-From the ankles up. Everything above that, I leave to science.
Hawkeye-I think one of us should try breathing on a mirror.
Trapper-Okay...but do it quietly.
Hawkeye-I think I need a doctor.
Trapper-You’re a doctor.
Hawkeye-Then I’m the last thing I need.
Trapper-Do you suppose we’ve died, and we’ve gone into the army?
Hawkeye-It’s possible.
Hawkeye-Radar, I have the impression that we woke you around 3:30 this morning.
Radar-No, it was ten of four.
Trapper-Did we say why?
Radar-Uh, you said you wanted to sacrifice a virgin.
Hawkeye-Did we?
Radar- I was too sleepy.
Hawkeye-We’re on a treadmill. Bandages and booze.
Trapper-And broads!
Trapper-Give him twelve more hours of IV and then put a ticket on him to Tokyo.
Nurse-Yes, Doctor. (Her tone implies that she had a liaison with him the night before. He raises his sunglasses as she leaves, looks at her, then Hawkeye and shrugs his shoulders. It certainly was a wild night, wasn’t it, boys? I wish I could have been there...sigh.)
Now some other MASH quotes...
Father Mulcahy-Look on the bright side, when we are asked to spend time in purgatory, we can say, “No thanks, I’ve done mine.”-Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen I apologize that it isn’t exactly correct. It’s been a while since I’ve seen GFA. I’ll fix it when I can.
Frank-I’ve got better things to do when I’m off duty than sit around and swill gin.
Hawkeye-Swill gin? Sir, I’ll have you know that I have sipped, lapped and taken gin intravenously, but I have never swilled gin!
Trapper-That’s enough, Frank. Fourteen choruses of “God Bless America” is enough.